[drivel]

Ok got a question about Baby Evil and am turning to all the mothers and grandmothers here for honest impressions.

Baby evil is in daycare and is staying at a woman's house with two other children. Mrs. Evil and I went back and forth on whether to send him to her or one of the franchised daycare centers in the area. She is an older (50's (sorry if that offends)) and this is her only job. She has a nice house in a nice area and has her lower level set up beautifully for a day care center.

Baby evil likes her and she likes baby evil, of course he is a chip of the old block.

Well yesterday, my wife went to pick him up after she finished work and found that the daycare woman was in her back yard, closing the door on her pool house or whatever that had opened. Baby evil was in the daycare center by himself watching her outside of the window. he wasn't in his pack and play or any other confined space and had access to the stairs (going up), which he is able to climb by himself.

Well Mrs. Evil took him home, didn't say anything at the time and called me extremely upset. I immediately got out the phone book and tried to find him a place somewhere else, and the only opening was at a daycare franchise that we had looked at before but were not crazy about but didn't hate it anyway.

I stopped payment on the babysitters check for this week and my wife called her this morning and told her that baby evil would be not returning.

The daycare woman was very upset, said that it was the only time this had happened and pleaded with my wife to keep baby evil with her. She said that she loves my son and wouldn't do anytihing to hurt him and this was a one time thing.

So here's the thing: Last night , I was resolute in that he would not be going back there. However, I really wanted this setup to work out because Baby E would get personal attention and I really liked and still like his babysitter and now am thinking I may have acted too irrrationally, particularly in light of the way she acted when told he would be leaving.

So learned mothers on the board, would you,

a. Take baby E to the new place
b. Give the babysitter another chance ( and a talk)
c. None of the above.

It's not too late at this point so any advice would be appreciated.

Sincerely Dr. E,

[Hedwig]

Let me first make a disclaimer that I don't have children, but have been very close to friends who had children and a similar situation.

I vote for B. My friend had a problem with one of the daycare person's older children hitting the baby when the lady had stepped out for a few minutes.

They went through the same sort of soul-searching you did and decided their daughter was better off with the personal attention. They had a long heart-to-heart talk with the day care provider and basically put her on "probation" for three months or six months or something. They said they would stop by with no notice sometimes, not to pick up the child but just to observe.

They all ended up becoming good friends, the child didn't have to go to one of the franchise places (and believe me, the same thing or worse can happen), and everything turned out well.

[JayinGR]

I have been in this position before myself...I would take Baby Evil back and let sitter no your concerns...I also for a while had an older lady 68 watch baby jayingr and the personal attention they get does very good for them. I pulled baby jayingr out of a franchised day care because of the lack of care...

[ilovemydogs]

Originally Posted by drivel

Ok got a question about Baby Evil and am turning to all the mothers and grandmothers here for honest impressions.

Baby evil is in daycare and is staying at a woman's house with two other children. Mrs. Evil and I went back and forth on whether to send him to her or one of the franchised daycare centers in the area. She is an older (50's (sorry if that offends)) and this is her only job. She has a nice house in a nice area and has her lower level set up beautifully for a day care center.

Baby evil likes her and she likes baby evil, of course he is a chip of the old block.

Well yesterday, my wife went to pick him up after she finished work and found that the daycare woman was in her back yard, closing the door on her pool house or whatever that had opened. Baby evil was in the daycare center by himself watching her outside of the window. he wasn't in his pack and play or any other confined space and had access to the stairs (going up), which he is able to climb by himself.

Well Mrs. Evil took him home, didn't say anything at the time and called me extremely upset.

I immediately got out the phone book and tried to find him a place somewhere else, and the only opening was at a daycare franchise that we had looked at before but were not crazy about but didn't hate it anyway.

I stopped payment on the babysitters check for this week and my wife called her this morning and told her that baby evil would be not returning.

The daycare woman was very upset, said that it was the only time this had happened and pleaded with my wife to keep baby evil with her. She said that she loves my son and wouldn't do anytihing to hurt him and this was a one time thing.

So here's the thing: Last night , I was resolute in that he would not be going back there. However, I really wanted this setup to work out because Baby E would get personal attention and I really liked and still like his babysitter and now am thinking I may have acted too irrrationally, particularly in light of the way she acted when told he would be leaving.

So learned mothers on the board, would you,

a. Take baby E to the new place
b. Give the babysitter another chance ( and a talk)
c. None of the above.

It's not too late at this point so any advice would be appreciated.

Sincerely Dr. E,

Okay I was a stay at home Mother and my Mom was the same. I had a wonderful childhood and my children tell me I am the best Mom.
I feel that NOONE can care for your child like Mom and Dad,and that the years go by so fast,you lose the special times. If you can, I vote for your wife and or you cutting back on your hours so there is always one of you home with your little guy. I know you are probably going to say you cannot afford to do this, but you can give up a lot to be an at home parent.
If I HAD to chose for you I would pick B, but ONLY after I did some more checking into her and her work ethic and had a real sit down talk with the woman, and then trust her but always being on top of any and all situation with unannounced visits,to make sure all is fine.

ILMD

[drivel]

ILMDogs, Let me try and fill in the blanks you asked about.

She has had him for about 3 weeks, and has been doing this for years. She has a file full of reference letters that were glowing.

Why my wife did not say anything is beyond me.

I didn't dislike the franchise place, just thought he would be better off in a individual's home. It was a trade off, a less personal place or not knowing exactly what happens during the day. As you said noone would be as good as mom or dad and mom has been home with him for the last year. she's a teacher so she needed to go back in order to not have to resign and start again several years down the road.

I should not have stopped payment and will pay her regardless of the decision we wind up making. I feel really bad about the way I handled this but was upset that she left him alone.

As for someone who professes love to fast, I actually believe her, she is a very genuine person and frankly I am shocked that she left him alone, I would never had thought that would happen in a million years.

So I guess the question is should I give her another chance (assuming I can get my wife to agree ) and hope it never happens again, or take a chance.

Also, she may not take him back now anyway after the way I treated her, so it may be moot.

Ahhh, the joys of parent hood.

[ilovemydogs]

Originally Posted by drivel

ILMDogs, Let me try and fill in the blanks you asked about.

She has had him for about 3 weeks, and has been doing this for years. She has a file full of reference letters that were glowing.

Why my wife did not say anything is beyond me.

I didn't dislike the franchise place, just thought he would be better off in a individual's home. It was a trade off, a less personal place or not knowing exactly what happens during the day. As you said noone would be as good as mom or dad and mom has been home with him for the last year. she's a teacher so she needed to go back in order to not have to resign and start again several years down the road.

I should not have stopped payment and will pay her regardless of the decision we wind up making. I feel really bad about the way I handled this but was upset that she left him alone.

As for someone who professes love to fast, I actually believe her, she is a very genuine person and frankly I am shocked that she left him alone, I would never had thought that would happen in a million years.

So I guess the question is should I give her another chance (assuming I can get my wife to agree ) and hope it never happens again, or take a chance.

Also, she may not take him back now anyway after the way I treated her, so it may be moot.

Ahhh, the joys of parent hood.

Ok, one thing I will tell you is that she may have a lot of glowing references but sometimes if you did deeper there will be a not glowing report and lots of times this report is the true one.
Seriously I know this from experience with all the help I have hired and all the years with my children and their friends and parents and teachers and camp people etc.

I think she will take your son back, but I definitely think both of you should talk to her and air your concerns and of course check in on the place often at least for the next several months. Any chance of having a aupare or Nanny?
Remember though Dr Evil, NEVER trust anyone with your loved one.
ILMD

[hannah]

I am sorry to disagree with everyone else that has answered but I would NOT take him back. Your babysitter left him alone PERIOD. Babies need 24/7 care. If Baby E were my child, I would not take him back to someone who had already proven that they could not be trusted. Run an ad or call an agency and get someone else. In the meantime, one of you could stay home with him or you can take him to the daycare center. Don't take him back there just because it would be easier for you and your wife to tell yourselves you had overeacted. That one instance could have meant your loss of your child. Don't take that lightly. You did exactly the right thing. She could lose her daycare license for that kind of incident.

[trst]

I had an acquaintance a few years ago that worked for a franchise daycare. She was in charge of toddlers (I believe 2-4 year olds). She also had an aide and they had something like 10-12 kids, or whatever the law allows for, in their care. They took the kids out to the fenced-in play area one day and when they went back inside, they left one of the kids outside UNATTENDED for half an hour! How this happened is beyond me, other than pure carelessness, laziness, or both. The consequence she suffered for this was not getting her raise at her next review (something like .25 cents, she made 6.50/hr I think). I am also reasonably certain that the parents were never told.

As ILMD said, no one will ever love your child and care for him like family does, but since you seem to have no alternative, I would give this woman another chance, along with a formal talk about your expectations (not left unattended, baby-gates, not left to cry, etc) and the understanding that there may be unannounced visits.

I once heard that having a child is like taking your heart out of your body and letting it walk around. Good luck.

[rubyruby27]

As a grandmother of a 2 yr.

I would follow Hedwigs advice. I would also look at the glowing references and I would call them.

Why did she leave him to close the pool house, could the baby get to the pool via this route. Or did the gate to the pool open, to me that is important to close asap with toddlers around.

While I don't agree that she should have left him alone at his age, not sure I would have jumped to pull him right away. I do understand why you did. I can guarantee you if it had been my daughter she would have done the same thing.

I would also take ILMDS advice and do the drop by thing etc. Somewhat confused on this, did your wife go by early and she didn't expect anyone to drop by, or was it the time she usually picked litte E up.

Personally, I think daycare with other kids private or day care center is good for kids esp if they are only children, it teaches them how to share and interact.

Individuals that are good can offer the one on one that is needed during this developmental stage.

While my grandson is probably a genius literally, he has no social skills as he is the only child and kept by his other grandmother. Which I disagree with this, I am only a grandmother.

Reconsider your decision but look for an alternative should something like this occur again.

Just because she left him for a few seconds doesn't mean she isn't good. We have all done something we shouldn't have and nothing bad happened. We were the lucky ones.

[drivel]

Originally Posted by hannah

I am sorry to disagree with everyone else that has answered but I would NOT take him back. Your babysitter left him alone PERIOD. Babies need 24/7 care. If Baby E were my child, I would not take him back to someone who had already proven that they could not be trusted. Run an ad or call an agency and get someone else. In the meantime, one of you could stay home with him or you can take him to the daycare center. Don't take him back there just because it would be easier for you and your wife to tell yourselves you had overeacted. That one instance could have meant your loss of your child. Don't take that lightly. You did exactly the right thing. She could lose her daycare license for that kind of incident.

Kinda starting to agree with this take. Should you really give someone a second chance with your child?

Bottom line is I have to sit here all day and my wife has to work all day and we really cant be worrying about what is going on at the babysitters, and frankly, the next time she does it and if Baby E gets hurt, guess what, it's my fault as much as hers..

I need to concentrate on keeping my reign as champion of shoot the debtor.

Thanks for all the helpful replies.

[ilovemydogs]

Originally Posted by hannah

I am sorry to disagree with everyone else that has answered but I would NOT take him back. Your babysitter left him alone PERIOD. Babies need 24/7 care. If Baby E were my child, I would not take him back to someone who had already proven that they could not be trusted. Run an ad or call an agency and get someone else. In the meantime, one of you could stay home with him or you can take him to the daycare center. Don't take him back there just because it would be easier for you and your wife to tell yourselves you had overeacted. That one instance could have meant your loss of your child. Don't take that lightly. You did exactly the right thing. She could lose her daycare license for that kind of incident.

I agree Hannah, and like I said dig a bit deeper and maybe she doesn't even have a license or it has not been renewed.
There is nothing like a Mom and Dad to be there protecting : )
ILMD

[Qtip]

Originally Posted by drivel

Kinda starting to agree with this take. Should you really give someone a second chance with your child?

Bottom line is I have to sit here all day and my wife has to work all day and we really cant be worrying about what is going on at the babysitters, and frankly, the next time she does it and if Baby E gets hurt, guess what, it's my fault as much as hers..

I need to concentrate on keeping my reign as champion of shoot the debtor.

Thanks for all the helpful replies.

This is my take and it is not directly related to the incident. Unfortunately we live in a world were there are all kind of sickos and when it comes to kids we should do everything in our power to protect them.

With that said, I think a one woman show lacks checks and balances. That idea alone is enough for me not to have baby E there. Not saying that she is a bad person, simply put. there is nobody else there to tell you if something is wrong.

Altough a regular daycare has disadvantages, I think baby E will benefit from the interaction with other kids. I would sleep better at night knowing that there is several people caring for baby E and if something is wrong with the daycare, one of the people that work there is liable to blow the wistle.

I am over protective with my kids and personally think you did the right thing. Shop for another daycare!

[Hedwig]

The problem with the franchise places is that, like someone posted here, they are mostly staffed by people making slightly more than the minimum wage. The ratio of adults to children is not as good in most cases, either.

Several years ago there was a big news story about one of the franchise places. One of the major highways was closed due to an accident. When it was time to close and the parents weren't there, did the workers try to contact them, or stay and charge a premium? No, they went home and LOCKED THE CHILD IN THE FACILITY. When the parents got there, they could hear the child crying. The police tried to notify the owners but couldn't find anyone. They had to break the door down.

So, just because it's one of the chain or franchise places doesn't mean your child is safer.

[Qtip]

Originally Posted by Hedwig

The problem with the franchise places is that, like someone posted here, they are mostly staffed by people making slightly more than the minimum wage. The ratio of adults to children is not as good in most cases, either.

Several years ago there was a big news story about one of the franchise places. One of the major highways was closed due to an accident. When it was time to close and the parents weren't there, did the workers try to contact them, or stay and charge a premium? No, they went home and LOCKED THE CHILD IN THE FACILITY. When the parents got there, they could hear the child crying. The police tried to notify the owners but couldn't find anyone. They had to break the door down.

So, just because it's one of the chain or franchise places doesn't mean your child is safer.

There are always exceptions for every rule, I would still sleep better at night knowing that several different people are looking at the well being of my child as oposed to just one person. Got forbid, but what if anything happens to the lady taking care of the kids, what will happen to the children under her care?

[Hedwig]

Originally Posted by Qtip

There are always exceptions for every rule, I would still sleep better at night knowing that several different people are looking at the well being of my child as oposed to just one person. Got forbid, but what if anything happens to the lady taking care of the kids, what will happen to the children under her care?

That's a good question, especially if the lady is older. It would be better if she had someone helping her.

[ilovemydogs]

Originally Posted by Hedwig

That's a good question, especially if the lady is older. It would be better if she had someone helping her.

Oh my bring on the death march... ; )
ILMD and now half a century old...

[Hedwig]

Half a century?

You're still a youngster.

[ilovemydogs]

Originally Posted by Hedwig

Half a century?

You're still a youngster.

Yup I look in the mirror and still see a hot babe that is about 28 ; )
ILM